You would think that out of 12 children, at least one of them would be a left-hander. You would think. Why is this important, you are probably asking. Well, aside from the fact my beloved Angels are getting shelled tonight by the dread Detroit Tigers (Which is a nice way of putting the pitching staff is abysmal. Really, really horrible even.), it's simple. I'm looking for a lefty who throws heat. You know, a left-handed pitcher. I like to joke that a lefty who throws heat is my retirement. In Major League Baseball, those guys are coveted and can make oodles, oodles I say, of dough. (Editor's note: Shouldn't you be studying for your Bible doctrine test on the Holy Spirit tomorrow? Author's reply: Just taking a break to refresh a few weary brain cells, babe. Thanks for asking though. In case you were wondering, though, intellect, emotion and will are three attributes of the Holy Spirit's personality. Editor's comment: Just thought you'd share, right?) When my boys were little, I always tried to get them to use their left hand. Short of tying their right hand behind their back (Editor's note: Ahem. Author's reply: Okay, alright. Maybe on very rare occasions someone in the family may have every once in a while and quite rarely actually tied a right hand behind a young child's back. Editor's exasperated comment: Sigh.) I would try and get them to do most everything left-handed, starting at about 2 hours old. But by the time they could play Wiffle ball at 3 years of age, they were all righties. Even my girls are righties!
So now I'm wondering if it's wrong to covet a lefty. Is that sin? Am I out of the Lord's will? Should I not be putting those little spoons with the chewable covers on them that you feed baby food to teething little beavers in my wee ones' left hands? Should I not always try to low-five my babies with their left hands?
At our rate of expansion, I figure we have at least two babies left in us. Well, technically a couple left in Julie's womb. Which means we still got a shot at that lefty who throws heat. (Editor's note: Ahem. Again. Author's reply: Well, I got a shot at it I reckon.)
Hey, Mattt, I'm a lefty!! From your post, that should give me a few extra status points with ya! (however, no lefties in the brood through).
ReplyDeleteBro...according to Wikepedia, older mothers are more apt to give birth to south paws. Not to say your beautiful bride is old, but I say keep trying.
ReplyDeleteGiven the steroid epidemic in pro sports -- some are saying they didn't know they were being given the nasty stuff, ya know -- wouldn't it be better all around to bank on your retirement with a really fine right-handed sportswriter? Should be already in the genes, no? You could well be spawning the next Mitch Albom or Tony Kornheiser. Nuttin to sneeze at.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the info Matt! We need to get our little Lefty Elijah on a team soon. He has been asking me how he can make a lot of money:).
ReplyDeleteAs my lovely wife stated, you should know that Elijah does wear his mitt on his right hand...
ReplyDeleteHa! We've got two lefty boys, but unfortunately we've chosen basketball and soccer. I'll pass on the tip to Tone. Maybe there's hope for 2 year old Ezra!
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