You would think that out of 12 children, at least one of them would be a left-hander. You would think. Why is this important, you are probably asking. Well, aside from the fact my beloved Angels are getting shelled tonight by the dread Detroit Tigers (Which is a nice way of putting the pitching staff is abysmal. Really, really horrible even.), it's simple. I'm looking for a lefty who throws heat. You know, a left-handed pitcher. I like to joke that a lefty who throws heat is my retirement. In Major League Baseball, those guys are coveted and can make oodles, oodles I say, of dough. (Editor's note: Shouldn't you be studying for your Bible doctrine test on the Holy Spirit tomorrow? Author's reply: Just taking a break to refresh a few weary brain cells, babe. Thanks for asking though. In case you were wondering, though, intellect, emotion and will are three attributes of the Holy Spirit's personality. Editor's comment: Just thought you'd share, right?) When my boys were little, I always tried to get them to use their left hand. Short of tying their right hand behind their back (Editor's note: Ahem. Author's reply: Okay, alright. Maybe on very rare occasions someone in the family may have every once in a while and quite rarely actually tied a right hand behind a young child's back. Editor's exasperated comment: Sigh.) I would try and get them to do most everything left-handed, starting at about 2 hours old. But by the time they could play Wiffle ball at 3 years of age, they were all righties. Even my girls are righties!
So now I'm wondering if it's wrong to covet a lefty. Is that sin? Am I out of the Lord's will? Should I not be putting those little spoons with the chewable covers on them that you feed baby food to teething little beavers in my wee ones' left hands? Should I not always try to low-five my babies with their left hands?
At our rate of expansion, I figure we have at least two babies left in us. Well, technically a couple left in Julie's womb. Which means we still got a shot at that lefty who throws heat. (Editor's note: Ahem. Again. Author's reply: Well, I got a shot at it I reckon.)