Thursday, April 23, 2009

Still In The Hunt

You would think that out of 12 children, at least one of them would be a left-hander. You would think. Why is this important, you are probably asking. Well, aside from the fact my beloved Angels are getting shelled tonight by the dread Detroit Tigers (Which is a nice way of putting the pitching staff is abysmal. Really, really horrible even.), it's simple. I'm looking for a lefty who throws heat. You know, a left-handed pitcher. I like to joke that a lefty who throws heat is my retirement. In Major League Baseball, those guys are coveted and can make oodles, oodles I say, of dough. (Editor's note: Shouldn't you be studying for your Bible doctrine test on the Holy Spirit tomorrow? Author's reply: Just taking a break to refresh a few weary brain cells, babe. Thanks for asking though. In case you were wondering, though, intellect, emotion and will are three attributes of the Holy Spirit's personality. Editor's comment: Just thought you'd share, right?) When my boys were little, I always tried to get them to use their left hand. Short of tying their right hand behind their back (Editor's note: Ahem. Author's reply: Okay, alright. Maybe on very rare occasions someone in the family may have every once in a while and quite rarely actually tied a right hand behind a young child's back. Editor's exasperated comment: Sigh.) I would try and get them to do most everything left-handed, starting at about 2 hours old. But by the time they could play Wiffle ball at 3 years of age, they were all righties. Even my girls are righties!

So now I'm wondering if it's wrong to covet a lefty. Is that sin? Am I out of the Lord's will? Should I not be putting those little spoons with the chewable covers on them that you feed baby food to teething little beavers in my wee ones' left hands? Should I not always try to low-five my babies with their left hands?

At our rate of expansion, I figure we have at least two babies left in us. Well, technically a couple left in Julie's womb. Which means we still got a shot at that lefty who throws heat. (Editor's note: Ahem. Again. Author's reply: Well, I got a shot at it I reckon.)

6 comments:

  1. Hey, Mattt, I'm a lefty!! From your post, that should give me a few extra status points with ya! (however, no lefties in the brood through).

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  2. Bro...according to Wikepedia, older mothers are more apt to give birth to south paws. Not to say your beautiful bride is old, but I say keep trying.

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  3. Given the steroid epidemic in pro sports -- some are saying they didn't know they were being given the nasty stuff, ya know -- wouldn't it be better all around to bank on your retirement with a really fine right-handed sportswriter? Should be already in the genes, no? You could well be spawning the next Mitch Albom or Tony Kornheiser. Nuttin to sneeze at.

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  4. Thanks for the info Matt! We need to get our little Lefty Elijah on a team soon. He has been asking me how he can make a lot of money:).

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  5. As my lovely wife stated, you should know that Elijah does wear his mitt on his right hand...

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  6. Ha! We've got two lefty boys, but unfortunately we've chosen basketball and soccer. I'll pass on the tip to Tone. Maybe there's hope for 2 year old Ezra!

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